Grandparents sometimes get a bad rap. Parents complain about the grands spoiling
their babies, giving them too many things, feeding them the wrong things, indulging
their whims, and showing up too often to visit.
Maybe we grandparents are guilty of all of the above, but there is a
really good reason.
You see, we know that time is short. Shorter than you can imagine, and it is
getting shorter by the minute. We have been
where you parents are, with the endless diapers, formula, childhood illnesses,
doctor visits, homework, extracurricular activities, sleepovers, ad
infinitim. We remember how tired you can
get, and how the days sometimes drag on and on without any breaks.
|
Me with my children circa 1992 Do I look tired? |
What you may not realize is that one day you wake up and
your children have moved out. You
realize that you will never hold your little baby again, that you will never
bandage their scraped knees, and teach them to ride a bicycle again. You'll wonder why you didn't realize that
last diaper was the very last one, the last Tooth Fairy gift under the pillow
was the last one, and the last ballgame was the last one. High school came and went, graduation
supplies were ordered, pictures taken, parties attended, and then the dust settled
and your baby moved off to work or college.
There is no way to recapture those moments of raising children. You have a window of time in your life in
which to give your all, teach lessons, soothe hurts, and guide the next
generation to adulthood. That window is
smaller than you think.
|
Me with son Matt circa 1993 |
|
Me and Natalie circa 1993 Tired again? |
Suddenly there is an empty nest. You and your spouse rediscover time together,
your children get married, and you welcome new sons- and daughters-in-law. If you are blessed, there are new relationships. And then the news comes. You are going to be a grandparent.
Whoa. Your life is
about to change in a marvelous and wonderful way. Are you ready? Of course you are. The baby about to enter your world is your
second chance. You get to hold your own
flesh and blood again. You get to look
for family resemblances again. You get
to watch a baby grow into a toddler, then a child, and then maybe even a teenager
and an adult. But there's a twist. It's your child and their spouse who are the
parents. They have the power to give or
withhold privileges. In order to be able
to be with the grandchild you must consider the wishes of the parent. If you are like me, you are blessed with wonderful
children-in-law who recognize your need to grandparent and their children's need
to be with their grandparents.
|
Proud grandma Coco with her new grandson. |
|
Coco's two boys. |
But there is still an element of desperation. You see, you know how fast these babies
grow. You know that every time you see
them they will have changed. You know
that any moment not grasped and savored is a moment lost. You are free of the responsibility of
feeding, clothing, and housing them so all you have to do is enjoy them. As grandparents we must keep this desperation
in check so that we don't damage the tenuous ties we have with our grandchildren's
parents.
|
Proud Coco with granddaughter. |
|
Coco's two little girls. |
So, parents, perhaps you can understand a bit better why we grandparents seem a little crazy. We are desperately in love with your children. They are, after all, our second chance at
having you little again.
Any desperately devoted grandparents out there?
XOXO
Labels: grandchildren, grandparents, parents